Category: Politics
1. Walt Disney World’s Pleasure Island went out of business back on Saturday September 27TH 2008. Apparently people began lining up at the entrances to the ‘Downtown Disney’ section at 9 AM that morning just so that they could get in to the joint for one last party to go. From what I’ve read at Wikipedia it was the biggest party that Pleasure Island had seen since its hey day of the mid-to-late-1990s. I believe it too. I spent a lot of time there for about a dozen years from 1994 to 2006. I saw a once-thriving nightclub district begin to diminish and die a slow death as this current decade continued on.
2. Back in July when gas prices were hovering right around $4 per gallon I boldly stated that they would plummet to the $3.25 to $3.50 range in time for Thanksgiving. Later on I got even more outrageous by stating that gas prices would collapse by at least a dollar per gallon. And so here we are. Average gas prices are now below $3 per gallon in 17 out of 50 states, and several cities in Texas, Oklahoma, and Kansas now have gas near $2.50 per gallon. Want my next ludicrous prediction ? Tune in next Tuesday night.
3. Get ready for a real-life wintertime cold front to sweep through South Florida this weekend. Get ready for our rainy season to come to an abrupt end. Get ready to shock everything metallic in sight as the relative humidity plummets towards arid conditions. Get ready for temperatures early in the morning in the refreshing mid-60s ! Yeah you heard me !
4. I received my absentee ballot for the upcoming election in the mail last week. Maybe this Saturday I will declare it to be ‘Election Day’ in my living room as I vote on paper and send it on its way via the U.S. Mail.
5. This young man is cool and smart:
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows with an option for one more. You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the heck out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
TO BE CONTINUED …
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