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Thursday Morning In Orlando

Good Morning Everyone !  It’s Thursday morning, and it’s the final (half) day of the 2008 New Church Conference – Exponential ’08 here in Orlando, and I’ve got so many handwritten notes written down that it appears that I’ll be blogging all weekend long – once I return home to the comfort and convenience of my living room and (most importantly) the technology of my high-speed cable Internet connection. Here in Orlando I’ve been sputtering along at roughly 50.6 Kbps (via an old dial-up connection). That’s right. I’m cruising the Internet like it’s 1998 !  My next laptop will have that fancy schmancy new wireless innovation included within it !

OK friends here’s the plan. I’ll be back at home in Homestead later today (early tonight). I’ll post this week’s ‘Thursday Night Internet Hoax Hall-Of-Shame’ first and foremost, and then if I’m still wide awake and have some energy left over I’ll post the first of three ‘Exponential Conference Orlando Tossed Salads’. I’m devoted to posting a single edition for each day of the conference, so you’ll see all of my highlights / takeaways summarized in a way that is most worthy of the coveted (nearly legendary) ‘Tossed Salad’ brand name. I’ve also got to do the ‘Friday Night Blogroll Review’ on Friday night or else a whole bunch of you will begin going through withdrawals. I know that a lot of you regular bloggers post some of your best award-winning material on Thursdays in a dire effort to make it onto the ‘Friday Night Blogroll Review’, so get to it and I’ll get to it as well. Look for that shortly after 4 PM on Friday night.

So that’s what I’ve got for you on this Thursday morning in Orlando. Don’t forget – the regular Thursday night and Friday night features on here plus 3 days – 3 editions of the ‘Tossed Salad’ from the Exponential Conference. It’s all right here on ‘The Major’s Life Blog’ over the next 60 hours. Don’t miss the excitement. You won’t regret it pal. Cool beans.

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Career Driving Food God Internet Life People Travel

Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts

1.  I drove from Homestead to Orlando this morning with a crew of about 16 (including kids) from Life Pointe Church. We took 4 vehicles with us (including mine). This is the longest one-day road-trip my car has been on since the first couple of weeks of March 2007 when I drove all the way up to the northwestern suburbs of Atlanta Georgia for a work-related conference.

2.  I paid a record-shattering $3.799 per gallon for gas along Florida’s Turnpike. 10.660 gallons of it went into my car, so that came out to a mind-boggling $40.50. I never thought that it would cost over $40 to fill up my fuel-efficient Saturn with less than 11 gallons of gas !

3.  Venus pointed out to me several times that perhaps my driving is just a wee-bit on the conservative side for her personal tastes. In fact she hinted that I drive like an old retired Floridian. She stated that she likes to hang out on the road with her ‘speeding buddies’. I inquired as to why she’s always late for everything if she’s always speeding. I also suggested that she leave much earlier to get to her destinations so that she wouldn’t have to speed, and she would arrive alive on-time. 

4.  To ‘rubberneck’ is to unnaturally turn your head at pretty much a 90° right angle and essentially stretch your neck so that it looks like it’s made out of rubber. When you’re driving along and everyone drives real slow so that they can examine the aftermath of a bad accident along the side of the road most people stretch their neck and hence ‘rubberneck’. Venus and I discussed that for a few minutes as Anne J. took a well-deserved nap.

5.  This is the first time since November 2006 that I’ve been here in Orlando. Once upon a time in a previous life not quite so far away I used to visit this city 3 or 4 or 5 or more times per year. Orlando used to be my playground – my home away from home – my South Beach – my Panama City Beach – my Cancun.

6.  Actual proof that it’s been awhile since I’ve been here in Orlando is the fact that I’ve made the wrong turn on at least 3 or 4 separate occasions right along the north end of International Drive – a road that I used to roll on quite frequently during a decade of fun.

7.  I’m attending the 2008 National New Church Conference here in Orlando. It’s also known as the ‘Exponential’ Conference – subtitled ‘The DNA Of Reproducing Churches’. I took a whole bunch of notes ‘chicken-scratch’ style during the first afternoon of sessions. Eventually I will decipher my notes and then transpose them into a separate blog entry that is most worthy to be included within the prestigious ‘Tossed Salad’ brand name here on this blog. Judging by how many raw notes I took this afternoon alone this may turn out to be a multi-part mini-series of ‘Tossed Salad’ editions rather than one big one. It’s all good. There’s a lot of learnin’ goin’ on here, and the funnest part of learnin’ is sharin’ the knowledge. Knowledge Is Power !  Power Is Fame !

8.  Pastor Travis and Pastor Paul are recording their notes from the conference via the new and modern way – directly onto their laptops on-site – and in Travis’s case – directly onto his blog and-or his Twitter. Believe it or not in the specific breakout session that I personally attended on blogging we spent a good 10 minutes talking about Twitter. That word – ‘Twitter’ – must have been uttered at least 50 times. Before P.J. introduced the entire Twittering concept to me and his tens of fans via his blog I had never heard that word spoken before in my entire Life.

9.  Our entire crew met up at Giordano’s for dinner over in Lake Buena Vista (very near the far-eastern entrance to Walt Disney World). We ate a bunch of their ‘World Famous Stuffed Pizza’, and in no time flat we were pretty much stuffed, walking funny, and making wacky sounds with our bodies. I took my Lipitor a good 5 hours later than normal. Better late than never – especially after this potentially heart-damaging meal !  Paul – Remind me to give you my Doctor’s business card upon our return back home to Homestead.  🙂

10.  I couldn’t possibly have more genuine fun here in Orlando than I did today, or on any other day that I’ve spent here in Orlando over the past 15 years. I am so totally humbled and blessed to be able to participate in this wonderful experience along God’s fantastic journey.

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God

Life Pointe Church Sunday Morning Tossed Salad

1.  You can arrive at the movie theatre as early as you wish on a Sunday morning, but you’ve got to get there mighty early in order to beat Executive Pastor Paul to the punch. Anne J. arrived in third place (this is not a competition), but more importantly her voice was back to full-strength again !

2.  Paul stated that I can add new poppin’ and rockin’ songs to the iPod that plays loud and proud in the main lobby. This contradicts everything that he has stated about this subject in the past to me. I will get to work – just as soon as I buy a docking station for the iPod so that I can pull those iTunes off of my computer here at home.

3.  ‘The Fortune Cookie Message Of The Week Club’ now has about 400 new members due to the fact that we gave away about 5,000 fortune cookies to our guests, attenders, and members this morning. They are in support of our fresh new message series that begins two weeks from today.

4.  Lead Pastor Travis returned to lead our two services this morning, and he delivered some of his most sincere discussions and powerful teachings to date. After the shenanigans that occurred last Sunday afternoon at Homestead Bayfront Park these were the ‘can’t miss’ Sunday morning services from Travis. We discussed 10 places that Jesus is today:

– Jesus physically ascended into Heaven.
– Jesus is in Heaven with departed Christians.
– Jesus sits at the right hand of God the Father.
– Jesus sits on a throne.
– Jesus rules and reigns as Sovereign, King, and Lord.
– Jesus intercedes as our living God-man mediator.
– Jesus grants His spiritual authority to Christians.
– Jesus is preparing a room for us in His Father’s house.
– Jesus is enjoying an urban paradise.
– Jesus is with us as we bring the Gospel to the world.

5.  Right now as I conclude this week’s edition of the ‘Tossed Salad’ here at home about three-dozen regular attenders of Life Pointe Church are over at The Capri restaurant in Florida City making that next big step to become official members of their church. It is not the church that they go to. It is not the church at the movie theatre. It is my church. It is your church. It is our church. We are the church. We are the living breathing body that is the church. We are the church no matter where we are – at home, at the movie theatre, at Publix, at the Capri, on Florida’s Turnpike, on South Beach, in Orlando. Everywhere. Be the church. Represent.

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Animals Food God Health Life Music People

The Major’s Walk-A-Thon

Sky: Partly Cloudy
Temperature: 67°F
Relative Humidity: 80%
Winds: E 3 MPH
Barometric Pressure: 30.05 Rising

My thoughts:

1.  I ate a MASSIVE breakfast at the Cracker Barrel in Florida City this morning during the six-o-clock hour. A stack of warm and buttery French Toast was totally drenched in authentic maple syrup and accompanied with scrambled eggs with melted American cheese and hot smoked sausage. P.S. I weigh 165 pounds.  😉

2.  After the feast I came home to do the walk during the seven-o-clock hour. It was another record-tying 2.2-mile walk, and I did it in less than 41 minutes (compared with 42 minutes last Saturday morning). I guess I walked just a tad bit brisker this week than last week.

3.  During the first quarter of the walk I totally frightened a woman who was carelessly walking her dog. As I walked my continuous straight line along the left-edge of the street a lady walking her dog was approaching from the right-side of the street. She was crossing the street, but she wasn’t looking where she was going. She was looking in the completely opposite direction. Her dog was going nuts, but she was totally oblivious to it. I swerved around her so that she wouldn’t walk right into me, and as I walked behind her that’s when she noticed me. Pedestrians get killed by oncoming vehicular traffic when they pull stunts like that. Ironically, “Wake Up” from KJ52 and Toby Morrell was rockin’ my iPod Shuffle at the time.

4.  I may not have big muscles to show for it, but I am the most physically fit today than I have ever been in my entire life and Life. I am in far better shape today than I was during my late-teens and early-to-middle-20s when I had to run a mile-and-a-half every year in the Air Force.

5.  Tomorrow morning at Life Pointe Church I get my weekly workout from 7:30 AM to 8:30 AM lifting, carrying, moving, and setting up objects in the main lobby of the movie theatre as we transform it into a setting that is suitable for our church family. I’ll be sweating again. It’s all good. It’s all for God.