Sunday Night Funnies

Here are some new economic investment terms for the new year:

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kelly Johnson
    Dec 14, 2008 @ 21:38:16

    Chris, just a heads up… please don’t spill the beans on Survivor on your blog. I can’t watch it until Tuesday night!!! I am TRYING not to find out who wins!

  2. The Major
    Dec 14, 2008 @ 21:50:47

    I’m watching it intently right now as I type this. I’m able to do so because I caught up with the past 4 or 5 episodes over the past week. I’ll keep it a secret until you can see it for yourself.

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