Category: Driving

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Driving God

Monday Night Countdown

For all of you who are concerned about me and my beloved Saturn of the past (nearly) 6 years – all is well as of 5 PM on this glorious Monday afternoon. I’m at home now, and my car is in its parking space right in front of my home.

Now that we’ve come full circle I present to you the TOP 5 lessons learned during that two-hour time period of inconvenience from 7:30 AM to 9:30 AM yesterday (Sunday) morning:

5.  NEVER call to report a problem with my car when it’s sitting safe and sound at home on a Sunday (or even a Saturday for that matter). Wait until the next regular weekday morning when my Saturn dealership is actually open for bid-ness.

4.  NEVER call Saturn Roadside Assistance period. I’ve been a proud member of AAA for the past 20 years. I should have called AAA to tow my car (on a regular weekday morning). I would have saved over $80.

3.  RIDE with the tow truck driver to the car dealership when my car is actually being towed in (on a regular weekday morning). Wait for my car to be repaired.

2.  LEARN how to properly jump start another vehicle using my vehicle. Just because a neighbour ‘knows what he’s doing’ with jumper cables does not necessarily mean that he actually ‘knows what he’s doing’ with my unique car in particular.

1.  NEVER stop doing good deeds for my fellow man. This good deed that only took a couple of minutes out of my busy schedule ended up costing me in excess of $600 !  Satan is still working hard to make my Life inconvenient and miserable at times, but God is far more powerful and almighty than Satan can ever dream of being. Satan will never give up. He’s very jealous that I follow God nowadays. Once again Satan is the miserable loser, and God is the glorious winner !  He always is.

Categories
Driving God Music

Life Pointe Church Sunday Morning Tossed Salad

– This is the edition of the ‘Tossed Salad’ that nearly wasn’t.
– Allow me to briefly summarize my wild and crazy morning here.
– Phil Collins once sang “Something Happened On The Way To Heaven”.
– This morning I sang “Something Happened On The Way To Church”.
– A neighbour wanted a jump start from me at 7:30 AM.
– I said ‘Sure’, and I parked over next to him.
– He connected our two cars via his jumper cables.
– It didn’t work.
– When I went to pull out of the parking space I had no power steering !
– The message ‘PWR STR’ appeared under the speedometer.
– I could barely move my steering wheel with immense struggle.
– I think the jumper cable somehow blew out my power steering.
– It’s just a guess, as I really have no earthly idea how cars work.
– I called Saturn Roadside Assistance.
– They contracted with a tow truck operator in Homestead.
– My Saturn dealership is closed for service on Sunday.
– We know that because me, the tow truck driver, and my car went there.
– My car is now sitting in the tow truck storage yard until tomorrow.
– Meanwhile I’m now driving a rental car courtesy of Budget.
– It’s a fairly new Chevy Cobalt – silver in colour.
– It kinda sorta looks like my power steering-less Saturn.
– That Cobalt took me to Life Pointe Church about two hours late.
– Sorry Satan – You lose again.
– I attended the 10:30 AM service for the first time since last July.
– Rock star siblings Jesse and Alex led ‘Praise & Worship’. 
– I got to serve Communion during the 2ND service.
– Pastor Travis led this morning’s teaching on ‘The Challenge Of Eternity’.
– I must live with an eternal perspective.
– I must recognize that I’m created for eternity.
– I must secure my eternity in Heaven.
– I must invest my Life in eternal pursuits.
– This morning’s teaching was based on the following 12 verses of the Bible:
  – Colossians 3:2
  – Jude 1:21
  – Genesis 1:27
  – Ecclesiastes 3:11
  – Psalm 39:4
  – John 3:16
  – 2 Corinthians 5:1
  – John 10:28
  – Mathhew 25:21
  – Matthew 6:19-20
  – 1 Corinthians 9:25
– I’m glad that I was able to get to LPC this morning despite the difficulties.
– That’s where I belong every Sunday morning.

Categories
Computers Driving Humor

Saturday Morning Shenanigans

A friend sent this to me via E-Mail. It cracked me up severely.

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For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, ‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1.  For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash … Twice a day.

2.  Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you’d have to buy a new car.

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4.  Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you’d have to reinstall the engine.

5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only 5% of the roads.

6.  The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

7.  The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure ?’ before deploying.

8.  Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9.  Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.  You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

P.S. – When all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself !

Please share this with your friends who love – but sometimes hate – their computer !

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Be sure to catch an all-new ‘Saturday Night Retro’ later today right here on the big green blog, but until then – REMEMBER THIS !

computer-coffee-maker

Categories
Animals Driving Health Holidays Money Music Politics Travel Weather

Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts

Nearly 16 months of historical statistics reveals that Tuesday is by far the busiest day here on the big green blog. I think that we all know why that is so:

1.  We may actually receive some significant rainfall here in America’s Rivera between tonight and Sunday as a couple of old cold fronts from the north ease closer to us. Don’t expect a flood or anything close to that, but don’t be surprised if we manage to receive up to an inch of the much needed rain that we so desperately need. There’s also a very remote possibility that I may actually issue a late-season ‘Homestead Cold Weather Alert’ for both Saturday and Sunday mornings as wind chill temperatures may approach the upper-40s for a brief period of time.

2.  I’m not exaggerating here when I state that most motorists here in America’s Riviera totally ignore the green traffic light arrow that points to the left that states that you have a protected path to make a left-hand turn. I guess they don’t teach that in traffic school down here. GREEN = GO !

3.  Weight Check – I’m slowly easing down into the lower-170s. I just weighed in at 172.5. My goal is to get back into the more comfortable upper-160s. Yes I can !

4.  We probably won’t find out that the recession has ended until at least six to nine months after it has actually ended. It may have ended already, but we won’t really know for sure until perhaps Thanksgiving or Christmas. Politics and policies aside I’m rooting for a strong and robust economy in 2009 and beyond. How can you not root for that ?

5.  It’s St. Patrick’s Day in 2009, and I wore virtually all green today. I’m proud of my Irish heritage. My ancestors on the paternal side had a last name of ‘O’Day’. The ‘O’ was dropped when they emigrated from Ireland to The U.S. back in the late-19TH Century. For over 17 years our beloved cat Fluffy – a Manx – was an integral part of our family. The Manx breed originated from The Isle Of Man in the Irish Sea. I lived in the U.K. for exactly two years from 1985 to 1987, and I did quite a bit of traveling during that time. But one regret is that I never got to visit either Northern Ireland (part of the U.K.) or The Republic Of Ireland. Some day I hope to visit both countries. While living in the U.K. two Irish bands – The Pogues and The Dubliners – joined forces to become one, as they performed a traditional Irish song about a MASSIVE ship in the sea. Check out this 1987 performance of “The Irish Rover”. It was a U.K. TOP 10 pop smash back then, and I present it to you as a very special St. Patrick’s Day edition of the ‘Saturday Night Retro’.