Category: Money

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Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts

Here’s what’s on my mind (pure energy):

1.  I was north of Dallas Texas for an entire week last week to celebrate a combined Thanksgiving and Christmas with my Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister-In-Law, and Canine Nephew. We also visited extended family up near Wichita Falls Texas. That’s the first time I had ever been to that fine city. I’d like to visit it again this upcoming Summer. I may drive there. ROAD TRIP !

2.  Neither airport that I flew in and out of – FLL nor DFW – was hardly busy on the Saturday before and the Saturday after Thanksgiving. My keen observation summarizes that holiday air travel is a casualty this year of the global recession that we’re in.

3.  So America has officially been in a recession for an entire year now – since December 2007. This just in. I am not in a recession. I remain in a vast economic expansion – one that has lasted for over 15 years. Many of you reading this are also in an economic expansion (although you may deny it). Many Americans claim that they are in a recession, but couldn’t tell you why they state so. ‘Because they said so on television’ is not a valid reason why you are in a recession.

4.  According to the National Weather Service it was the coldest November in 24 years in Miami, the coldest in 27 years in West Palm Beach and Naples, and the coldest in 38 years on Miami Beach. I blame this on global warming. 🙄

5.  Happiness Is – Performing a well-orchestrated ‘grab and save’ at a local neighbourhood Walgreens store and saving a whopping $9.00 while purchasing only two unique items within a matter of a few mere minutes. I also saved $9.10 versus the normal prices that I would have paid for these two items at Publix. Cyber Monday – It’s not just online anymore !

Those are my thoughts on this Tuesday night. Thank You for your time.

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God Health Life Money Radio Sports Weather

Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts

1.  Last Tuesday I mentioned that I ‘felt a real subtle hint of a possible 8TH cold in 12 months coming on’ that morning. For the past week I’ve been denying the mere existence of any such cold since I only had sporadic sinus and drainage problems in one specific location – my right nostril. Over the past couple of days it’s gotten worse, but I still refused to acknowledge it as my 8TH cold in 12 months. It’s sort of like that Tropical Wave in the Caribbean that looks impressive on radar but is not classified as an organized Tropical Depression. This morning I took a Zicam (RapidMelts with Vitamin C), and I instantly felt better. I took another one 3 hours later, and I felt even better. I just took another one, and I think that my cold is gone. As a result of these quick developments I do hereby declare that my 8TH cold in 12 months did actually occur, and it is now done and over with !

2.  Just like my cold that is now done and over with before I even acknowledged that it had even started in the first place it appears that our U.S. economy may actually be coming out of a recession right around the same time that it is officially announced that we were actually in a recession over the past 6 months. That’s the way that it always seems to work out. Americans find out that the recession is over as they find out that it actually existed. This just in – 9 out of 10 Americans don’t really know what a recession is even though they use the term loosely as a crutch to blame all of their personal problems on.

3.  According to my friend Ritz Kelly-Kel of 91.9-CALL-FM apparently talked about my ‘born-again’ story this morning on her radio show. The Call was the device that Jesus utilized to grab a hold of me and rescue me from the darkness 27 months ago on a random morning in August of 2006. If it weren’t for The Call then virtually all of you reading this blog would have never met me, and I would not be here today with this blog. One day I’m going to visit The Call and tell my story in-person on-the-air LIVE !

4.  Hace Fresco !  I’m liking this chilly air aqui en el Sur de Florida. This morning was our 2ND consecutive morning with actual air temperatures in the low-50s and wind-chills in the mid-40s. Tomorrow morning could be even colder with actual air temperatures dropping into the upper-40s and wind-chills in the low-40s. It’s a sneak-peek of what I can expect all next week north of Dallas Texas.

5.  Speaking of Dallas my Washington Redskins put on another embarrassing performance at night LIVE on national television for the second game in a row. Allow me to be blunt here. The Redskins are stinking up the joint right about now, and if they keep it up then they’ll be watching “Desperate Housewives” on TV on Sunday nights in January instead of celebrating a playoff victory. Let’s get it together team !  WIN ON 3 !  1-2-3-WIN !

Those are my thoughts right now. Thank You for sharing your time with me.

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Humor Money Politics

Economic Models Explained With Cows

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows with an option for one more. You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the heck out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

Categories
Humor Money Politics

Economic Models Explained With Cows

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

TO BE CONTINUED …