Categories
Humor

Monday Night Funnies

Farm Kid In The Army

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well.  Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food,  plus yours,  holds you until noon  when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on ‘route marches,’ which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different.  A ‘route march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver  Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6′ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8′ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

Categories
God

Life Pointe Church Sunday Morning Tossed Salad

– It was a near freezing cold morning here in Homestead.
– Air temperatures were in the low-40s with wind chills in the upper-30s !
– But it was actually warm and pleasant inside the Flagship Cinemas 14.
– For the first time in a long time I did not attend the first (9 AM) service.
– I mostly hung out with Linda M. at the pier door.
– Linda is as encouraging and inspirational as can be.
– She’s come a long way on her journey in the short time that I’ve known her.
– After hosting the first service several times God blessed me this morning.
– He gave me the opportunity to host the second service, and I ran with it.
– This morning’s Communion Scripture came from Luke 22:14-20 (NLT, 2ND Ed.)
– It’s a brand new month – a brand new year – and a brand new decade.
– God LOVES to make everything brand new again.
– He LOVES to give us all fresh new starts.
– We had a Special Guest Pastor with us this morning.
– He’s a son of God, a husband, a dad, a church planter, and a Pastor.
– He drove over 600 miles yesterday to deliver the Good News of God to us.
– He’s starting up Baypointe Church on the white sands of Panama City Beach.
– He’s Pastor Ben Liles, and he loves Jesus Christ intensely.
– He continued our ‘LoveWorn’ message series.
– Our acceptance of others is a direct reflection of our faith in God.
– How accepting are we of all of God’s children and creations ?
– How intensely do we believe and trust and love Jesus ?

John 1:10-13 (NLT, 2ND Ed.)
10  He came into the very world He created, but the world didn’t recognize Him.
11  He came to His own people, and even they rejected Him.
12  But to all who believed Him and accepted Him, He gave the right to become children of God.
13  They are reborn — not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.

– He was a foreigner – just like we were all once foreigners of God.
– He knows all of us, but how well do we really know Him ?
– Do we know Him only on Sunday mornings, or do we know Him always ?
– I always believed in God, and acknowledged His existence.
– But I didn’t know who He was until 40 months ago when He saved me.
– No matter how deep into the dark you are now God can save you now.
– The enemy is always trying hard to reach you, but God is the only Almighty !

Ephesians 2:12-13 (NLT, 2ND Ed.)
12  In those days you were living apart from Christ. You were excluded from citizenship among the people of Israel, and you did not know the covenant promises God had made to them. You lived in this world without God and without hope.
13  But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to Him through the blood of Christ.

– I’m no longer a foreigner to God, for I’m now a foreigner to this world.
– The world does not dictate to me how I should act and what I should say.
– I’d rather stand up to the world and reject all that it throws at me.
– If the world calls me out as a radical extremist then I concur.
– Jesus Christ was a radical extremist, and I wish to follow Him aggressively.

1 Peter 2:11-12 (NLT, 2ND Ed.)
11  Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.
12  Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when He judges the world.

Categories
Blogging History Life Music People Radio

Saturday Night Retro

It’s time to kick it with a fresh new year of the ‘Saturday Night Retro’. It’s a weekend tradition that I’ve been enjoying for a long time now via different mediums, formats, and names. 2010 actually marks the 25TH anniversary of the ‘Retro’ and all of its various predecessors.

It’s hard to believe that the entire decade of the 2000s is now officially ‘Retro’. 2000 seems so long ago now. 1990 was 20 years ago. That gives me the chills just thinking about it. The 1980s began 30 years ago. Now I’m sweating. I feel so old now !

Here on ‘Saturday Night Retro’ I’ll alternate between the decades from the 1970s through the 2000s with a few extra surprises thrown in for good times.

Tonight flashback with me over 35 years ago to the Autumn of 1974. I was entering the 2ND grade back then at St. Matthias Apostle Catholic School in Lanham / Seabrook Maryland. I remember my teachers as Sister Mary Laura (the mean one) and Sister Mary Josephine (the funny one). This was the start of my 2ND and final year in Catholic school. The following year I was pulled out of it, and sent walking to the county’s public school system.

On the radio Linda Kelly was on in the middle of the afternoon on WPGC AM & FM Morningside out of Washington D.C., and this was the rockin’ # 1 smash all across the free nation. It’s Canadian / Lebanese teen pop idol (at the time) Andy Kim, and this may have been one of the cheesiest bubblegum pop nuggets of its time. You’re gonna get a sugar rush just listening to this one !

Categories
Food God Health Weather

The Major’s Walk-A-Thon

Time: 7:38 AM – 8:22 AM
Sky: Partly Cloudy
Temperature: 49°F
Dewpoint: 42°F
Relative Humidity: 79%
Winds: N 12 MPH
Barometric Pressure: 30.12 Rising

Here are my walking thoughts in 15 words or less:

– This morning I walked around my neighbourhood in the cold.
– It’s a frigidly cold morning, as Homestead is shivering !
– Wind chills are deep down into the mid-40s !
– That may not be much for you up north, but down here it’s ‘severe weather’.
– Our weather will be ‘severe’ – clear and cold – for the next 2 weeks !
– I’ve been forecasting this extended cold snap since the hurricane season.
– Tomorrow morning we may have wind chills approaching the mid-30s !
– This morning I ate a GINORMOUS Breakfast at Denny’s.
– It was the ‘All-American Slam’.
– It consisted of 3 scrambled eggs with melted cheddar cheese.
– Let’s not forget the hash browns, sausage, bacon, and English Muffins.
– Denny’s is a great place to enjoy a real Man’s Breakfast !
– After I got home from that early-morning feast I knew what I had to do.
– I had to work it all off, and so I did – out in the cold.
– I walked for 44 minutes – the same exact time as last Saturday morning.
– It was another fun 2.4-mile walk.
– I’m in the best physical condition of my entire Life.
– I’ve come a long way over the past 40 months.
– It’s never too late to start all over again.
– You’ve just got to believe !