Categories
Humor Money

Sunday Night Funnies

Here are some new economic investment terms for the new year:

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use.

Categories
God

Life Pointe Church Sunday Morning Tossed Salad

Anthems For A Broken World - Life Pointe Church
Anthems For A Broken World - Life Pointe Church

Lead Pastor Travis kicked-off a fresh new message series this morning for the Christmas and New Year’s holiday season, and it’s all about that song that God has placed in each of our hearts. It’s that song that can change and heal the world around us – if we just let it. We all have a gift. We all can create. We all have that song. It’s time we sang that song and lived it. God has placed it in us. He wants us to sing it to Him.

As Christians we are saved by our faith in Him. The good things in us are an outflow of His great grace. Only a perfect Jesus can restore the brokenness of our imperfect hearts and souls.

On a personal note this was my momentous 100TH Sunday morning at Life Pointe Church. I walked in through the front doors of the movie theatre for the very first time on Sunday January 21ST 2007. It was about 5 months into this fantastic journey that God created for me. God’s been watching over me ever since He created me in 1966. He knows all about me, and He knew that He was eventually going to rescue me from the darkness, save me, bring me into the daylight, and lead me onto His fantastic journey that was especially created for me. He used loud rock and roll music on a local radio station – CALL-FM – to pull me in from the dark of the night, and when I was ready he led me to a hard rock concert at a church building on a Saturday night that ultimately led me to my new church family the very next morning – 100 Sundays ago. God is such a Great and Glorious God !

Categories
Holidays Humor Music Radio

Saturday Night Retro

Ladies and Gentlemen – Boys and Girls – I present to you for your ‘Retro’ review on this Saturday night in December this 1987 Yuletide classic that just keeps on coming back on the radio year after year for the festive Christmas season.

It’s rock and roll radio deejay Bob Rivers and his Comedy Corporation with “The Twelve Pains Of Christmas”, and I’ve got two music videos for you for the price of one – the official late-1980s version of it as well as a modern homemade version done by an apparent college kid and his friend. Check them out:

Categories
Animals Astronomy God Health Weather

The Major’s Walk-A-Thon

Sky: Sunny & Clear
Temperature: 54°F
Dewpoint: 43°F
Relative Humidity: 65%
Winds: N 10 MPH
Barometric Pressure: 30.16 Rising

1. When I walked outside this morning at 7:04 AM I exclaimed, “Ooh – Nice and refreshing !’  That was before I hit the 10 MPH winds (with higher gusts). I live within feet of a somewhat elevated Florida’s Turnpike. I didn’t realize that it was such a wind shelter. Once I walked away from it the winds shattered my teeth and pierced my ears.

2.  Homestead was shivering, and so was I. I quickly decided that this was not going to be the long 2.0-mile-plus walk that I envisioned. It turned out to be a simple 1.3-mile walk completely around the perimeter of my neighbourhood. I did it in exactly 24 minutes. That’s an average of 3.25 MPH.

3.  The Moon was at its closest distance to Earth overnight in nearly 16 years (since March 1993). It was large and bright. I saw it last night as it was climbing the eastern sky, and I saw it again during this morning’s walk as it was dropping towards the western horizon. Last night’s Full Moon was known as the ‘Long Night Moon’ (for obvious reasons). It was up for 14½-hours.

4.  I saw no cats outside this morning. They were all keeping warm inside or underneath vehicles. There were a lot of ducks out and about. They too were shivering. They should have gone in the lake. The water was at least 20° warmer than the air. I was looking for ‘lake-effect’ snows as that cold northerly wind blew across the warmer big lake that I walked around.

5.  This morning’s walk was certainly uncomfortable, but you can’t make any progress in Life if you’re always comfortable. On God’s fantastic journey you should never get into a groove or think that you’re ‘there’. You’re never there, and there’s always something bigger and better just around the corner. The status quo produces nothing relevant. Sitting in neutral is not living. It’s dying. You’ve got to continue to move forward on this journey – always asking and looking for more. The journey doesn’t end until you’ve been reunited with your Maker. That’s when you know that you’ve finally made it to the Promised Land.