Category: Humor

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Blogging Humor

Creative Writing 101

OBJECT:
Create a short story using only the TOP 10 search engine terms (that were used to find this blog on the web) for each of the past two days.

PRODUCT:
So here I am in my double-wide mobile home trying to figure out where I can buy groceries this Saturday morning. I know that I have a whole bunch of these all-new dollar coins sitting here, so maybe I should head on out to RaceTrac. I wonder what kind of espresso they have for sale there ?  I read somewhere on an E-Mail that I once received that I should boycott them because they don’t sell American gasoline, but I know that’s just an Internet hoax.

I can’t wait for the MASSIVE Homestead Pavillion to open up right there on Campbell Drive at Florida’s Turnpike here in Homestead Florida. I’m especially looking forward to Kohls and Staples.

Back during the 2003 blackout I was eating orange chicken at Panda Express with a Pastor from Nebraska (who incidentally shares the same name as me – Chris Day), and he was telling me all about how he was locked out of his own church door on a Sunday morning. He learned a lesson from that morning, and he passed it on to me which I went on to blog about 4 years later. He said, ‘Christopher, a modest man never talks to himself.’ If I only knew that back during my former Air Force life !

I often wonder what are the names of the large companies out there that would be willing to publish my autobiography. These are the things that I think about as I spend quality time here at home in Homestead in my beautiful gardens outside.

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Advertising Blogging Bugs Career God Home Humor Life People Television

Bedtime Stories

It’s great to be back home in Homestead. I’ve been home for a little over 24 hours now, and I’ve used this (Satur)day to relax and return to a more normal routine.

I’m looking forward to a lot of ‘normal routine’ things during this upcoming week. I’m looking forward to serving at Life Pointe Church for 3 hours starting at 7:25 AM tomorrow (Sunday) morning. I’m looking forward to attending the 10:30 AM service right after that. I’m looking forward to blogging the ‘Life Pointe Church Sunday Morning Tossed Salad’ on here tomorrow afternoon. I’m looking forward to returning to work at 6 AM on Monday morning. I’m looking forward to the weekly staff meeting at the Life Pointe Church office suite right after work at 4 PM on Monday afternoon. I’m looking forward to a visit from the Orkin dude on Tuesday afternoon because he keeps my home bug-free. I’m looking forward to hangin’ out with my Life Group at 7 PM on Wednesday night.

I’m looking forward to all of these things and everything else in-between that makes this Life the best Life that I could ever imagine. All of these great things are possible because of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. He has made this Life especially for me. I am forever greatful of Him and what He did for me, and what He is doing for me. There is no-one and no-thing that is greater than Him !

This morning I didn’t get out of bed until (a SHOCKING) 9 AM !  I’ve already set my alarm clock for 6:30 AM tomorrow (Sunday) morning. Despite the late ‘getting up’ time this morning I’m gonna try to get back to bed at a reasonable time tonight (such as 10 PM). It felt so great to be back in my own bed last night. In fact it felt so great that I was in it for nearly 12 hours (from 9 PM to 9 AM) !

May each and every one of you have a safe and peaceful Saturday night, and until we hang out again here on the blog or LIVE and in-person – remember this (and turn up the volume LOUD !):

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Annoyances Blogging Driving Food Humor Internet Money Music News People Television Travel Weather

Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts

It’s the most anticipated blog entry of the week. This is how we roll on a Tuesday night in Homestead Florida !

1.  George Carlin died over the weekend at the age of 71. While I didn’t agree with virtually all of his political viewpoints (as he identified them in public) he was still one of the greatest and funniest comedians in American history as far as I’m concerned. I will miss his LIVE HBO specials every few years.

2.  I ate Chinese Food for Lunch today. I picked it up from Shanghai & Tokyo in Homestead’s Waterstone Plaza. I’m a semi-regular there. They usually give me two fortune cookies to go along with my ‘Lunch Special’. Later tonight I’ll have your special ‘double feature’ edition of ‘The Fortune Cookie Message Of The Week Club’. Don’t miss it !

3.  Earlier today I went to annualcreditreport.com and I printed out three full and complete credit reports for me from Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion. annualcreditreport.com is the only site that is legally able to give you free copies of your credit report from all three of those credit bureau sites. I did all of this in less than 45 minutes this morning, and I got over 30 pages of important credit information spanning virtually my entire adult life.

4.  I thrive in a hot and humid environment (such as Homestead). I could not live happily ever after in a cold and dry environment – or a hot and dry environment for that matter. It’s hotter in San Antonio (where I’ll be next week) than it is here in Homestead, but it’s less humid over there than it is over here. I’d rather have the extra humidity rather than the higher temperatures.

5.  I’ve become a semi-regular of the new Starbucks in Homestead. The people that work there are now starting to recognize me and my car. So far I have received consistent great service from them – inside as well as via their drive-thru. Let’s hope that it stays that way.

6.  The following 5 things kept me preoccupied for 7 hours yesterday at my Saturn dealership in Cutler Bay:
a.  My iPod Shuffle
b.  The latest edition of ‘Entertainment Weekly‘ (magazine)
c.  The Miami Herald (newspaper)
d.  TV Guide Crosswords & Sudokus
e.  Life Pointe Church follow-up spreadsheet (printed out)

7.  Some people have a chronic addiction to their cell phone. They just can’t stop calling people all over the free nation and sharing their private lives in public via their loud cell phone conversations. No wonder identity theft exists. Remember the good old days when telephone conversations were done in private inside the home ?

8.  Homestead Trivia – How many miles apart are Speedway Boulevard (SW 137TH Avenue) and Krome Avenue (SW 177TH Avenue) ?  The answer – exactly 4.0 miles. In Miami-Dade County each numbered avenue is exactly 0.1 miles apart to the grid. 40 avenues apart = 4.0 miles. It’s that simple my friends !

9.  Me, My Brother, His Wife, & Fuddruckers – That’s the plan for Lunch as soon as I touch down in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex this Saturday. After that we will all go and play a round of minature golf. I totally dig that plan !

10.  Next week your ‘Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts’ will come to you LIVE from the River Walk in San Antonio. I’m also planning at least a couple of special editions of ‘The Major’s Walk-A-Thon’. You’re not gonna wanna miss it my friends.

Categories
Food Humor Travel

Saturday Morning Shenanigans

SHENANIGANS FACTOID – It’s exactly 2.3 miles from my parking space at home to my parking space at the Cracker Barrel in Florida City (where all of the gas stations are food is).

This morning I walked in to the joint a few minutes after opening time at 6 AM. My longtime waittress of the past 35 5 years greeted me at my car the entrance to the restaurant portion, and she was thrilled totally ecstatic to see me. The feeling was mutual. She knows what I like to eat !

Based on Tammy’s suggestion alone I enjoyed the Wild Maine Blueberry Pancake Breakfast (with scrambled eggs with melted American cheese inside and also succulent smoked sausage). Are you paying attention Paul ?  This was truly one MASSIVE meal, and I’ll be recovering from it (in a good way) for the rest of the morning.

You know I never realized that wild blueberries grew rampant all throughout the great state of Maine. According to this educational web site courtesy of the University Of Maine the state has ‘60,000 acres of wild blueberries (that) grow naturally in fields and barrens that stretch from Downeast to the state’s southwest corner’. When I typed in ‘blueberries’ and ‘Maine’ within a Yahoo ! search engine box I got back the first 10 of some 932,000 results !  I also learned that Maine is the largest producer of wild blueberries in the entire world !  Maine sounds like a very delicious state to me ! 😀

And so these are my ‘Saturday Morning Shenanigans’ for this week. Thank you for allowing me to share them with you. Until we meet again please enjoy this interesting short film all about wild blueberries: