Category: Driving

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Computers Driving Humor

Saturday Morning Shenanigans

A friend sent this to me via E-Mail. It cracked me up severely.

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For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, ‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1.  For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash … Twice a day.

2.  Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you’d have to buy a new car.

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4.  Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you’d have to reinstall the engine.

5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only 5% of the roads.

6.  The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

7.  The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure ?’ before deploying.

8.  Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9.  Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.  You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

P.S. – When all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself !

Please share this with your friends who love – but sometimes hate – their computer !

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Be sure to catch an all-new ‘Saturday Night Retro’ later today right here on the big green blog, but until then – REMEMBER THIS !

computer-coffee-maker

Categories
Animals Driving Health Holidays Money Music Politics Travel Weather

Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts

Nearly 16 months of historical statistics reveals that Tuesday is by far the busiest day here on the big green blog. I think that we all know why that is so:

1.  We may actually receive some significant rainfall here in America’s Rivera between tonight and Sunday as a couple of old cold fronts from the north ease closer to us. Don’t expect a flood or anything close to that, but don’t be surprised if we manage to receive up to an inch of the much needed rain that we so desperately need. There’s also a very remote possibility that I may actually issue a late-season ‘Homestead Cold Weather Alert’ for both Saturday and Sunday mornings as wind chill temperatures may approach the upper-40s for a brief period of time.

2.  I’m not exaggerating here when I state that most motorists here in America’s Riviera totally ignore the green traffic light arrow that points to the left that states that you have a protected path to make a left-hand turn. I guess they don’t teach that in traffic school down here. GREEN = GO !

3.  Weight Check – I’m slowly easing down into the lower-170s. I just weighed in at 172.5. My goal is to get back into the more comfortable upper-160s. Yes I can !

4.  We probably won’t find out that the recession has ended until at least six to nine months after it has actually ended. It may have ended already, but we won’t really know for sure until perhaps Thanksgiving or Christmas. Politics and policies aside I’m rooting for a strong and robust economy in 2009 and beyond. How can you not root for that ?

5.  It’s St. Patrick’s Day in 2009, and I wore virtually all green today. I’m proud of my Irish heritage. My ancestors on the paternal side had a last name of ‘O’Day’. The ‘O’ was dropped when they emigrated from Ireland to The U.S. back in the late-19TH Century. For over 17 years our beloved cat Fluffy – a Manx – was an integral part of our family. The Manx breed originated from The Isle Of Man in the Irish Sea. I lived in the U.K. for exactly two years from 1985 to 1987, and I did quite a bit of traveling during that time. But one regret is that I never got to visit either Northern Ireland (part of the U.K.) or The Republic Of Ireland. Some day I hope to visit both countries. While living in the U.K. two Irish bands – The Pogues and The Dubliners – joined forces to become one, as they performed a traditional Irish song about a MASSIVE ship in the sea. Check out this 1987 performance of “The Irish Rover”. It was a U.K. TOP 10 pop smash back then, and I present it to you as a very special St. Patrick’s Day edition of the ‘Saturday Night Retro’.

Categories
Blogging Career Driving Internet Money Travel Weather

Thursday Night Mini Thoughts

– Let’s do this thing – in 15 words or less.
– This is the express version of the ‘Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts’.
– It’s sort of like the VH1 ‘Pop-Up Video’ of my blog.
– My buddy Phil also posts ‘Thoughts’ on a Thursday.
– This week he discusses guns and food.
– I last shot a gun in 1992.
– I had to shoot an M16 annually while in the Air Force.
– I never quite understood why.
– Today was a crazy day at work – in a good way.
– I could not have planned the events of the day as they occurred.
– I prefer carefully-scheduled days rather than chaos galore.
– It’s really arid extra dry outside.
– There’s no end in sight.
– We’ve only had about two inches of rain over the past five months.
– We need another Tropical Storm Fay.
– She gave us four-and-a-half inches of rain in two days last August.
– She single-handedly ended our last drought.
– My dear friend Ela thought I actually wrote yesterday’s ‘Bible Stories’.
– It was a copy and paste job.
– A friend sent it to me via E-Mail.
– It’s been widely circulated on the Internet for awhile now.
– Here’s one version of it here.
– Tomorrow is Friday.
– I totally dig Friday.
– The weekend starts for me on Friday (afternoon).
– This Saturday morning me and some friends are riding to Key West.
– Once there we’re gonna so be tourists on bikes.
– I last drove down there at the end of December 2006.
– I’ve been there via cruise ship more so than via car.
– I’ll be back there again via cruise ship this September.
– I wouldn’t turn down this fun day with my friends for anything !
– I filed my income tax return online last Saturday afternoon.
– I’m getting back the biggest refund in history !
– Thank You President George W. Bush !

Categories
Driving Food Money Television

Monday Night Countdown

I’ve had the same checking account ever since the 2ND day that I’ve lived here in America’s Riviera – way back in December of 1987. Later this year I’ll write Check # 3,000. I may throw a ‘checkwarming’ party to celebrate the momentous occasion. 😀

This week on your ‘Monday Night Countdown’ I’ve got the TOP 5 most intriguing checks that I wrote exactly 20 years ago this month in March of 1989.

CHECK it out in chronological order:

– Check # 376 – 07 March 1989 – $52.20 – VISA
I didn’t make a lot of money back then. A $52.20 VISA bill makes me LOL today !

– Check # 377 – 07 March 1989 – $37.47 – International Cable
I actually had cable TV in my dorm room at the air base. We had to pay for it ourselves. I had Showtime as a premium channel back then. I enjoyed watching “It’s Garry Shandling’s Show” every week.

– Check # 379 – 16 March 1989 – $9.50 – Little Caesar’s Pizza
Once upon a time just outside of the north (hospital) gate of the old air base there lived Little Caesar’s Pizza. They delivered constantly to the dorms on base from lunchtime clear through late at night. My old checkbook registers from back then are totally littered with evidence of Little Caesar’s Pizza meals. PIZZA !  PIZZA !

– Check # 381 – 22 March 1989 – $97.12 – Southern Bell
YES – I had my own telephone in my dorm room, and I had to pay for my own service. I still have that original telephone today, but I don’t use it anymore. The sound quality is shot on it. That was incidentally a payment for two months of service because apparently the check that I had sent for the previous month’s bill was lost in the mail. (I keep meticulous records.)

– Check # 382 – 22 March 1989 – $326.40 – Allstate Indemnity Co.
As a 21-year-old ‘kid’ I paid over $1,100 for 6 months of automobile insurance back in 1989. I pay less than half that amount today in 2009. I’m a mature driver today. The fact of the matter is that I was back then as well.