Month: November 2009
1. I receive a lot of junk mail in my old-fashioned traditional mailbox. I wish there was a way where we could select which specific stores we would like to receive weekly advertisements for, and then only receive junk mail from them. But then I guess that it wouldn’t really be ‘junk’ mail, but rather ‘want’ mail. I receive weekly ads from Winn-Dixie, Sedano’s, and Diaz Supermarket (among others). I don’t shop at any of these fine grocery stores. I do shop at Publix, and I think that I would actually pay a small fee just to receive their weekly ad in the mail.
2. It’s ‘The Major’s Lunch-A-Thon’. This past Sunday I ate at Longhorn Steakhouse. On Monday I ate at Beef ‘O’ Brady’s. Today I ate at Olive Garden. The tour de force of fine dining establishments in and around Homestead continues on Wednesday and Thursday before I head out-of-town on Friday. Lunch – It does a Chris good !
3. ‘For Crying Out Loud !’ – Where does that phrase actually come from anyway ? It’s a phrase that some people utilize in lieu of cussing – particularly when the’re astonished and can’t believe their eyes. I don’t think that I’ve ever uttered that phrase intentionally or otherwise. I suppose it’s a phrase (like many others) that’s probably inherited from generation to generation within the family. Incidentally how can you not ‘believe your eyes’ ? Have your eyes ever lied to you ? Well maybe after drinking !
4. I filled up my car with gas this afternoon on my way home from work. I’ll be doing it again this Friday morning up near Orlando along Florida’s Turnpike. And then I’ll do it again about 5 hours later up in the northwestern panhandle of Florida along I-10. And then I’ll probably do it again another 5 hours after that at my first pit stop on my road trip. The adventure begins in less than 60 hours !
5. The weather should be nice and seasonal on my way to the Dallas Texas area this Friday and Saturday with temperatures within a rather narrow range on both days – pretty much mid-60s to mid-70s on Friday and low-50s to mid-60s on Saturday – so neither cold nor hot. I should be able to maximize my gas mileage during my trip there by not using the A.C. We’ll see.
These were (allegedly) posted on an Australian tourism web site, and the answers are (allegedly) the actual responses by the web site officials (who obviously have a great sense of humour – not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins !)
Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV. How do the plants grow ? ( U.K. )
A. We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street ? ( U.S. )
A. Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden)
A. Sure – it’s only three thousand miles – take lots of water.
Q. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (U.K.)
A. What did your last slave die of ?
Q. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (U.S.)
A. A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not … Oh forget it … Sure … the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q. Which direction is North in Australia ? (U.S.)
A. Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here, and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (U.K.)
A. Why ? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule ? (U.S.)
A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y … which is … Oh forget it … Sure … the Vienna Boys’ Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross – straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (U.K.)
A. You are a British politician right ?
Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round ? (Germany)
A. No – we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunters/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q. Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (U.S.)
A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
Q. I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (U.S.)
A. It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (U.S.)
A. Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)
A. Only at Christmas.
Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go ? (U.S.)
A. Yes – but you’ll have to learn it first.
It’s the middle Sunday of November of 2009 in the year of our Lord, and here are my takeaways in 15 words or less from this morning at the L-P-C:
– Kicking things off was an all-new ‘Praise & Worship’ band.
– But the’re not so new if you’ve attended service at our southwest campus.
– Our Plantation Key band got it done at the start of both services.
– They rocked and they rolled like nobody’s business.
– They were definitely cool like that.
– I hosted the first service for the first time ever.
– I read from 1 Peter 1:13-20 to lead us in to Communion.
– God’s ransom saved us – and that ransom – was the Life of Christ.
– God chose Him as His ransom long before the world began.
– Pastor Travis brought this week’s message all about ‘Friends & Neighbors’.
– If we treat our neighbours bad or not at all then we’re doing the same to God.
– Our friends and neighbours should easily see the work of Jesus in us.
– We should embody Jesus and be like Him to all of those around us.
– We should be like Him all of the time – not some of the time.
– We’re either hot or we’re cold when it comes to being like Jesus.
– We can’t be lukewarm, for we can’t serve two masters.
– Our embodiment of Jesus Christ must be consistent and unwavering.
This morning’s message was based on the following Scriptures out of God’s Great News: Acts 1:8, John 1:1 / 1:14, Matthew 10:40, Proverbs 18:24 / 27:14.
Matthew 10:40 (NLT, 2ND Ed.):
Anyone who receives you receives me, and anyone who receives me receives the Father who sent me.
I’ll be out-of-town over the next two Sunday mornings, but I’ll be thinking about you wild and crazy cats from afar. Love your friends and neighbours, and invite them onto our fantastic journey. I’ll be back at the movie theatre three Sunday mornings from now on the 06TH of December as we kick-off our Christmas season at Life Pointe Church. Have a safe and festive Thanksgiving my friends !
CountUp 