Humor Life Philosophy

Monday Night Funnies


– Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

– The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

– It’s always darkest before dawn, so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper then that’s the time to do it.

– Always remember that you’re unique – just like everyone else.

– Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

– Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them you’re a mile away, and you have their shoes.

– If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving is probably not for you.

– Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

– Generally speaking you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

– Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.