Monday Night Countdown

And now – ladies and gentlemen – I present to you another self-conscious TOP 5 countdown in which I poke fun at myself. It’s all good. I’m cool like that.

USAF SGT Me In August 1991
USAF SGT Me In August 1991

5.  ‘Yes. I’m a Veteran. I personally created the bomb that was dropped over Saddam’s palace in Baghdad.’ (True Story – I created actual bombs that were dropped from actual fighter jets during the air attack of Operation Desert Storm.)

4.  ‘Of course this is exactly what I wear to work every day. I work for Major Nelson in Cocoa Beach. He has a Jeannie.’

3.  ‘I could have an extra set of eyes, and these ENORMOUS glasses would still cover all four of them !’

2.  ‘The girls totally dig a man in uniform. See that cat over there in the Footlocker uniform ?  He gets all of the girls.’

1.  ‘Hey dude when are you gonna return my C + C Music Factory and Roxette cassettes ?’