Sunday Night Funnies

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys!  How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy #2 from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

Life Pointe Church Sunday Morning Tossed Salad

Here are my takeaways in 15 words or less:

– Daylight Saving Time is here, and most of our attendance was still asleep.
Among The Thirsty was our house band this morning.
– They seriously rocked my face off !
– They have a big radio single out called “One Sound”.
– It’s from their big album called “Wonder”.
– They did a tremendous job leading us as we all sang to God.
– During the first service Communications Director Kelly D. hosted.
– She’s quickly developing into an efficient leader at Life Pointe Church.
– Have you seen her cool new blog ?  It’s at kellydowning.com.
– Kelly D. is on my car radio every morning as I drive to work.
– I get to listen to her for about 15 minutes every morning.
– She’s my favourite radio deejay !
– Mark S. did the teaching for the first time ever.
– It was an awesome effort.
– He taught us all about forgiveness.
– Forgiven people forgive people.
– You’re not justifying their actions when you forgive someone.
– You should always remember how much you have been forgiven.
– You should reflect on who you need to forgive.
– You should release the other person(s) from your grudges.
– You should forgive instantly, completely, freely, and repeatedly.
– There should be no ‘ifs’ and no limits to your forgiveness.
– Jesus placed no ‘ifs’ and no limits so that you could be forgiven.
– It’s all about God’s purpose in the forgiveness process.
– I was rescued and saved by God over 30 months ago.
– Before this journey started I didn’t know how to forgive people.
– I carried grudges deep down inside for years and even decades.
– I even denied the mere existence of some of these grudges.
– How could I forgive someone if they never did anything bad to me ?
– But they did – and I have.
– This morning’s teaching was based on 17 verses from the Good News:
  – Matthew 18:22
  – Colossians 2:13-14
  – Psalm 103:12
  – 1 John 1:9
  – Matthew 5:25-26
  – Psalm 139:3-4
  – Matthew 18:32-35
  – Romans 12:18-19
  –  2 Corinthians 3:17
  – Colossians 3:13

Be sure to catch my buddy Phil’s take on this morning’s events at Life Pointe Church. This morning he was dressed up in his ‘Sunday finest’, and that’s ironic considering he wrote this ‘Major Bloggie Award Winner’ earlier in the week !