Homestead Florida In The News

We recently made International news headlines on the AP, and it’s not good news.

Read all about it.

Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts

It’s the longest-running episodic weekly series in the entire history of this blog:

1.  Congratulations my friends. We made it through the month of March together. Metaphorically speaking LL Phil J has no clue how to put a top hat on a month. Nevertheless we are all gonna kick it into high gear in April !

2.  It’s starting to feel like summertime here in America’s Riviera with maximum daytime temperatures approaching the upper-80s, heat indices exceeding 90°F, dewpoints into the 70s, and minimum nighttime temperatures above 70°F. Get used to it. It’ll be like this for the next 7 months.

3.  I saw Jim Gaffigan‘s brand new stand-up comedy special on Comedy Central yesterday, and I laughed from start to finish. He’s a clean comedian who seriously cracks me up with everyday observational material and downright sarcasm. I dig him. He’s a year older than me. He thinks like me.

4.  Hey Chris you just spent over $600 to get your car repaired and you’re not even mad, angry, bitter, or the least bit upset. You’re always calm, cool, and collective – even when bad things happen to you. What’s your deal dude ?  My deal dude is plain and simple. I don’t hang out with Satan’s dirty deeds done dirt cheap no more. I follow God. If you hang out with me then I’ll show you His work in me.

5.  Yesterday was the biggest Monday in history on this blog (as far as views are concerned), and that followed the biggest Sunday in history. March 2009 is the 2ND biggest month in history. Thank You so very much for supporting and participating on this blog on a regular basis. Thank You for sharing your Life with me. Let’s continue progressing forward on this fantastic journey and take names along the way !

The Fortune Cookie Message Of The Week Club


TODAY for a dependable and delicious Lunch I went to Shanghai in Homestead‘s Waterstone Plaza (Speedway Boulevard & Biscayne Drive).

I picked up my usual – the ‘L2′ and an eggroll – and it was ready in ’10 minute’.

Here’s my Fortune Cookie Message fan club members:

‘Happiness is around the next corner, wealth down the street.’

Monday Night Countdown

For all of you who are concerned about me and my beloved Saturn of the past (nearly) 6 years – all is well as of 5 PM on this glorious Monday afternoon. I’m at home now, and my car is in its parking space right in front of my home.

Now that we’ve come full circle I present to you the TOP 5 lessons learned during that two-hour time period of inconvenience from 7:30 AM to 9:30 AM yesterday (Sunday) morning:

5.  NEVER call to report a problem with my car when it’s sitting safe and sound at home on a Sunday (or even a Saturday for that matter). Wait until the next regular weekday morning when my Saturn dealership is actually open for bid-ness.

4.  NEVER call Saturn Roadside Assistance period. I’ve been a proud member of AAA for the past 20 years. I should have called AAA to tow my car (on a regular weekday morning). I would have saved over $80.

3.  RIDE with the tow truck driver to the car dealership when my car is actually being towed in (on a regular weekday morning). Wait for my car to be repaired.

2.  LEARN how to properly jump start another vehicle using my vehicle. Just because a neighbour ‘knows what he’s doing’ with jumper cables does not necessarily mean that he actually ‘knows what he’s doing’ with my unique car in particular.

1.  NEVER stop doing good deeds for my fellow man. This good deed that only took a couple of minutes out of my busy schedule ended up costing me in excess of $600 !  Satan is still working hard to make my Life inconvenient and miserable at times, but God is far more powerful and almighty than Satan can ever dream of being. Satan will never give up. He’s very jealous that I follow God nowadays. Once again Satan is the miserable loser, and God is the glorious winner !  He always is.

Life Pointe Church Sunday Morning Tossed Salad

– This is the edition of the ‘Tossed Salad’ that nearly wasn’t.
– Allow me to briefly summarize my wild and crazy morning here.
Phil Collins once sang “Something Happened On The Way To Heaven”.
– This morning I sang “Something Happened On The Way To Church”.
– A neighbour wanted a jump start from me at 7:30 AM.
– I said ‘Sure’, and I parked over next to him.
– He connected our two cars via his jumper cables.
– It didn’t work.
– When I went to pull out of the parking space I had no power steering !
– The message ‘PWR STR’ appeared under the speedometer.
– I could barely move my steering wheel with immense struggle.
– I think the jumper cable somehow blew out my power steering.
– It’s just a guess, as I really have no earthly idea how cars work.
– I called Saturn Roadside Assistance.
– They contracted with a tow truck operator in Homestead.
– My Saturn dealership is closed for service on Sunday.
– We know that because me, the tow truck driver, and my car went there.
– My car is now sitting in the tow truck storage yard until tomorrow.
– Meanwhile I’m now driving a rental car courtesy of Budget.
– It’s a fairly new Chevy Cobalt – silver in colour.
– It kinda sorta looks like my power steering-less Saturn.
– That Cobalt took me to Life Pointe Church about two hours late.
– Sorry Satan – You lose again.
– I attended the 10:30 AM service for the first time since last July.
– Rock star siblings Jesse and Alex led ‘Praise & Worship’. 
– I got to serve Communion during the 2ND service.
Pastor Travis led this morning’s teaching on ‘The Challenge Of Eternity’.
– I must live with an eternal perspective.
– I must recognize that I’m created for eternity.
– I must secure my eternity in Heaven.
– I must invest my Life in eternal pursuits.
– This morning’s teaching was based on the following 12 verses of the Bible:
  – Colossians 3:2
  – Jude 1:21
  – Genesis 1:27
  – Ecclesiastes 3:11
  – Psalm 39:4
  – John 3:16
  – 2 Corinthians 5:1
  – John 10:28
  – Mathhew 25:21
  – Matthew 6:19-20
  – 1 Corinthians 9:25
– I’m glad that I was able to get to LPC this morning despite the difficulties.
– That’s where I belong every Sunday morning.

Saturday Night Retro

6 years ago in March of 2003 I went on Spring Break with my brother to the Tampa Bay area. My brother was actually there on business at first, and then it became a vacation for him as well. On my own I visited Tampa’s Lowry Park Zoo, The Florida Aquarium, and Florida International Museum. We spent a couple of nights at a hotel in Tampa followed by a couple of nights at a hotel directly on Clearwater Beach amongst other Spring Breakers. We were on vacation on the beach when Operation Iraqi Freedom began. Spring Breakers were out on their hotel balconies partying and singing in unison “Bombs Over Baghdad” (by Outkast). My brother often jokes that whenever he goes out-of-town on vacation major world events occur. This vacation was clearly no exception, but it was one of the best vacations that me and my brother shared together in our entire lives.

The soundtrack of my life from back in 2003 was almost exclusively European Trance, Techno, and House music. This was one of the biggest Techno jams from that era, and it’s one of my favourite tracks of all-time. It’s legendary Dutch DJ Ferry Corsten with his 2003 megasmash “Rock Your Body, Rock”. 

Saturday Morning Shenanigans

A friend sent this to me via E-Mail. It cracked me up severely.

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For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, ‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1.  For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash … Twice a day.

2.  Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you’d have to buy a new car.

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4.  Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you’d have to reinstall the engine.

5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only 5% of the roads.

6.  The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

7.  The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure ?’ before deploying.

8.  Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9.  Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.  You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

P.S. – When all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself !

Please share this with your friends who love – but sometimes hate – their computer !

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Be sure to catch an all-new ‘Saturday Night Retro’ later today right here on the big green blog, but until then – REMEMBER THIS !


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